FUPAWOMAN

The FUPA have FUPAHEROES.  Much like regular superheroes, the FUPAHEROES possess many of the same powers and weaponry, only they are used to promote the lifestyle of the FUPA and not to fight against crime.

Today, we shall describe some of the powers and weapons used by FUPAWOMAN.  She possesses superfupa strength and durability which she uses in her mastery of the All-You-Can-Eat buffet.  Faster than a corn dog rolling downhill and able to leap tall mounds of mashed potatoes in a single bound, FUPAWOMAN uses her handbag to stash shrimp and corn fritters by creating a diversion through dressing provocatively and shooting Skittles from her breasts.  Her gold bracelet is used like a magnet to pick up whoopie pies as she passes by the dessert bar.  Her bouffant hair style is the perfect size and shape to stash an entire Thanksgiving dinner to be eaten long after the buffet has closed.  

Should you encounter FUPAWOMAN at your local buffet do not attempt to cut in front of her.  The average buffet patron is no match for the seductive powers of FUPAWOMAN.  One noxious spray of her aphrodisiac methane gas will render you powerless to fight back as she removes all of the food from your plate onto hers.

The FUPA Mating Ritual

The mating habits of the FUPA are difficult to understand as they have never been bred in captivity and so very little information is on hand with regard to their mating rituals.  What we do know is that the male FUPA often pierce they nipples in order to demonstrate their willingness to begin a courtship.  Another sign of their intention to court can be seen by how cleverly they hide the FUPA banana hammock.

Legend has it that FUPA like to wrestle and fight prior to copulation often biting and scratching one another.  Some FUPA prefer mating with non-FUPA which is often frowned upon in the FUPA community.  The FUPA mating season is roughly from May until September. 

Save The FUPA

FUPA live in all of the world's oceans, communicating through complex and obnoxious sounds.  And they're massive; the American FUPA can weigh as much as 600 pounds, making it of the largest FUPA on the planet.

The important thing to remember is that FUPA are mammals just like us.  They breathe air, have hair, are warm blooded, give birth to live young and feed their young milk.  While most FUPA are unique, they can be graceful and mysterious; they enjoy playing in the surf and creating tsunami's from excess gas released while submerged in the ocean.

The Secret Life of the FUPA

Emerging through the fluorescent twilight, a FUPA lumbers forward, sniffing, snorting, searching for something.  With each foraging step it is obvious that the FUPA is on a mission.

Here, we capture a FUPA embarking on a midnight journey, seeking other FUPA's to socialize and mate with, or at the very least, to share some tender moments.

Their size makes them relatively easy to spot and an easy target for poachers, who continue to hunt the FUPA in large numbers.  While they have been extensively studied by scientists in the field and also in shopping malls and Walmarts, we are still struggling to understand just how these unique megafauna behave in the wild.

We must remind everyone that the FUPA social structure is very complex and due to their aggressive nature it can be hard to observe.  All FUPA are aggressive when it comes to their established territory.  This makes it very hard for young FUPA to go and find their own territory where they can live. 

The Beached FUPA

During the summer months in North America it is not uncommon to see a FUPA washed up on the beach.  While experts are unsure as to why the FUPA beach themselves many theories abound.

Historical records indicate that FUPA's have been beaching themselves since 300 B.C., however, it seems that recently this phenomenon is occurring more frequently than previously thought. 

One theory is that the FUPA are highly social and as such seek to be around others.  They seem to be attracted to the smell of Coppertone which causes them to leave the cool waters and venture to the shore.  Often, too exhausted to continue, the FUPA will lose their will to live and simply lie on the beach too weak to move. 

Should you see a beached FUPA do not try to move the FUPA back into the water on your own.  Any efforts to rescue FUPA should be done by trained professionals.

FUPA On A Plane

Despite the efforts of law enforcement and the TSA, the FUPA have now been smuggled into the friendly skies.  Undetected by the most sophisticated airport security devices, the FUPA have quietly masqueraded as passengers seeking a sunny destination. 

 While fellow passengers seem unaware of the FUPA presence, the FUPA look to escape the confines of a single seat and in true FUPA fashion seek to occupy the seat next to them as well.  First escaping from the cover of the 4x shirt, the FUPA will then seek to escape the restraint of the seat belt.  Once free from all restraints, the FUPA will be free to move about the cabin and impose their will on passengers not familiar with the FUPA ways.

Even though FUPA are masters of disguise and are often hard to identify, passengers should always be on the lookout for empty Burger King bags and soda cups, as this is a tell-tale sign that FUPA are in the immediate area.  If you stumble across any of these clues, do not attempt to confront the FUPA on your own; seek the help of airline personnel immediately.

Restaurant FUPA

One can never tell where the FUPA will attempt to hide.  FUPA have been known to seek refuge under the restaurant table where they will remain until the end of the meal.  In the sanctity of the cool, dark respite of the table underside, FUPA remain quiet; content to enjoy their anonymity.

One must remember, however, that the FUPA is a predator and is poised to strike at any moment.  In an attempt to remain undetected, the FUPA can morph into many shapes and sometimes camouflages itself as part of the restaurant table.

FUPA have the ability to exude tremendous sensuality and have been known to play "footsie" with unsuspecting dinner patrons. 

Beware: The FUPA Eclipse

The FUPA often travel in packs (FUPACKS) which makes them easy to spot. The FUPA try many ways to disguise their true identity by wearing oversized shirts to mask the fupal view.

Despite their ruse, FUPA cast very large shadows, sometimes causing unintentional solar eclipses which is a phenominon known only to the FUPA. Should you be caught in the FUPA vortex of a solar eclipse, one must not look directly into the FUPA but turn and walk or run in the other direction. Staring directly into the FUPA has been known to cause blindness.

The FUPAHOLIC

While on safari you must be careful not to become a FUPAHOLIC. Yes, there are those out there who fall in love with the FUPA. They can't get enough. They need it everyday. This is sad because their love is only for the FUPA not the person.

There are those who desire and love to touch the FUPA. This is not only ill-advised but dangerous. One must not get too close to the FUPA. While the FUPA may look warm and cuddly it is definitely not FUPALICIOUS.

Cold Weather FUPA

The FUPA is very cunning. In cold weather, the FUPA will do its best to hide under multiple layers of clothing.

Any FUPA safari veteran will not be fooled by the FUPA sneaky ways. Notice how there is a distinct outline of the FUPA hidden under the outer layer of the coat.

Despite its futile attempts, the FUPA is ultimately discovered and soon will begin to look for other ways to remain incognito.