FUPA Definition

FUPA - pronounced (Foo-Pah) The roll of flab over the genitals of obese people. Looks most hideous when seen through sweatpants. The word FUPA stands for "Fat Upper Pubic Area".
Safari - (suh-fahr-ee) a journey or expedition, for hunting, exploration, or investigation, especially at Walmart, the mall food court, or fast food restuarants.

The Secret Life of the FUPA

Emerging through the fluorescent twilight, a FUPA lumbers forward, sniffing, snorting, searching for something.  With each foraging step it is obvious that the FUPA is on a mission.

Here, we capture a FUPA embarking on a midnight journey, seeking other FUPA's to socialize and mate with, or at the very least, to share some tender moments.

Their size makes them relatively easy to spot and an easy target for poachers, who continue to hunt the FUPA in large numbers.  While they have been extensively studied by scientists in the field and also in shopping malls and Walmarts, we are still struggling to understand just how these unique megafauna behave in the wild.

We must remind everyone that the FUPA social structure is very complex and due to their aggressive nature it can be hard to observe.  All FUPA are aggressive when it comes to their established territory.  This makes it very hard for young FUPA to go and find their own territory where they can live. 

The Beached FUPA

During the summer months in North America it is not uncommon to see a FUPA washed up on the beach.  While experts are unsure as to why the FUPA beach themselves many theories abound.

Historical records indicate that FUPA's have been beaching themselves since 300 B.C., however, it seems that recently this phenomenon is occurring more frequently than previously thought. 

One theory is that the FUPA are highly social and as such seek to be around others.  They seem to be attracted to the smell of Coppertone which causes them to leave the cool waters and venture to the shore.  Often, too exhausted to continue, the FUPA will lose their will to live and simply lie on the beach too weak to move. 

Should you see a beached FUPA do not try to move the FUPA back into the water on your own.  Any efforts to rescue FUPA should be done by trained professionals.

FUPA On A Plane

Despite the efforts of law enforcement and the TSA, the FUPA have now been smuggled into the friendly skies.  Undetected by the most sophisticated airport security devices, the FUPA have quietly masqueraded as passengers seeking a sunny destination. 

 While fellow passengers seem unaware of the FUPA presence, the FUPA look to escape the confines of a single seat and in true FUPA fashion seek to occupy the seat next to them as well.  First escaping from the cover of the 4x shirt, the FUPA will then seek to escape the restraint of the seat belt.  Once free from all restraints, the FUPA will be free to move about the cabin and impose their will on passengers not familiar with the FUPA ways.

Even though FUPA are masters of disguise and are often hard to identify, passengers should always be on the lookout for empty Burger King bags and soda cups, as this is a tell-tale sign that FUPA are in the immediate area.  If you stumble across any of these clues, do not attempt to confront the FUPA on your own; seek the help of airline personnel immediately.

Restaurant FUPA

One can never tell where the FUPA will attempt to hide.  FUPA have been known to seek refuge under the restaurant table where they will remain until the end of the meal.  In the sanctity of the cool, dark respite of the table underside, FUPA remain quiet; content to enjoy their anonymity.

One must remember, however, that the FUPA is a predator and is poised to strike at any moment.  In an attempt to remain undetected, the FUPA can morph into many shapes and sometimes camouflages itself as part of the restaurant table.

FUPA have the ability to exude tremendous sensuality and have been known to play "footsie" with unsuspecting dinner patrons. 

Beware: The FUPA Eclipse

The FUPA often travel in packs (FUPACKS) which makes them easy to spot. The FUPA try many ways to disguise their true identity by wearing oversized shirts to mask the fupal view.

Despite their ruse, FUPA cast very large shadows, sometimes causing unintentional solar eclipses which is a phenominon known only to the FUPA. Should you be caught in the FUPA vortex of a solar eclipse, one must not look directly into the FUPA but turn and walk or run in the other direction. Staring directly into the FUPA has been known to cause blindness.


While on safari you must be careful not to become a FUPAHOLIC. Yes, there are those out there who fall in love with the FUPA. They can't get enough. They need it everyday. This is sad because their love is only for the FUPA not the person.

There are those who desire and love to touch the FUPA. This is not only ill-advised but dangerous. One must not get too close to the FUPA. While the FUPA may look warm and cuddly it is definitely not FUPALICIOUS.

Cold Weather FUPA

The FUPA is very cunning. In cold weather, the FUPA will do its best to hide under multiple layers of clothing.

Any FUPA safari veteran will not be fooled by the FUPA sneaky ways. Notice how there is a distinct outline of the FUPA hidden under the outer layer of the coat.

Despite its futile attempts, the FUPA is ultimately discovered and soon will begin to look for other ways to remain incognito.

The FUPA In Repose

Behold the FUPA in repose. In its public habitat the FUPA often does not care who notices it.

Displaying its massive physique, the FUPA sometimes dares the world not to look. This FUPA has nearly morphed into its larger cousin on the food-chain, the GUPA (Giant Upper Pubic Area).

Such sitings of the FUPA are not uncommon. Sporting events offer a bountiful dichotomy for the FUPA. While the crowd watches the atheletes play their sport, the FUPA sits quietly while contemplating its next meal.

Bus Stop FUPA

One of the magical moments of a safari is when you can take a picture of the FUPA in its natural habitat.

Here, the FUPA grazes while resting. While FUPA rarely travel alone, it is not uncommon to find one off by itself.

The FUPA seldom travels under its own power. So Bus Stops become fertile ground for FUPA snapshots.

Parking Lot FUPA

One must be careful when approaching the FUPA. Sometimes the only way to take a photograph safely is to approach from the back of FUPA.

Here, on the plains of the Elementary School parking lot, while children play, the FUPA sits quietly.

Caution must be used when photographing a FUPA even from a distance. The slightest sound of a camera might disturb the FUPA who does not like to be photographed.